Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
