The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
