my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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