drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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