He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
