why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
