oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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