Betty ford says i'm here all night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
