so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
