Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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