dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
