Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
