she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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