okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
