I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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