just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
