I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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