Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
