explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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