I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
