dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
its liver damage thursday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
