i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
