Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
