Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
