Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
