Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
