Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
