but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
