guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
3 2 1 whiskey
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
