Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We are two peas in an std pod
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
