you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
