Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
