I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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