just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
