he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
