A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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