had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
