It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
