Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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