this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
