I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
