i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
