You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
