If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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