I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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