I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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