can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
