I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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