just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
