He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
