if i can run in heels then i can drive
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
