Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
