I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
